I have always battled through obstacles, the last five or so years though a few things had started going downhill. I had been managing my own affairs pretty well but I couldn’t get on top of some of my Dad’s problems. The critical times were around 2017 from what I can remember. My Dad was still pretty fit until 2018. We couldn’t get on top of the strata issues at his property. I think I am too nice, to be honest. I try and address issues diplomatically. Also, I didn’t really have any role to play in my Dad’s affairs other than seeing him regularly. The strata did try and help initially but they spent money on things that didn’t get done properly by the trades. I assumed the issues had been addressed only to find out that they hadn’t been quite a while later. The strata I think got fed up and rather than address the trades they kind of started ignoring me in the end. Then in early 2020 when Covid hit I discovered the cause of one of the problems that had been missed by both trades. I couldn’t get anything done as there was a long lockdown. There have been quite a few emails since 2016 up until today. One issue that stopped everything was remedial works that addressed most other issues except the one affecting my Dad’s place. This was another ongoing issue that lasted around a year and has only just lifted as works were completed.
With my sister on board the guardianship of Dad’s affairs, I decided to escalate the issue so it would be done quickly. I should hear back about it soon and I am hoping there are plans already in place. Other than that my Dad seems to have had significant cognitive decline which when I think back to earlier in the year I should have noticed. Normally if my Dad was visited he would come on a walk and he had a lot to say. The past year though he was always quiet and didn’t have a lot to say which isn’t really like him. The fact that he got involved and had a walk doing his normal routines seemed that things were mainly ok. I supposed that he didn’t really want to talk and he kept things brief. When I saw Dad in hospital he seemed to be doing pretty well but still had some obvious cognitive decline. Before he was discharged to respite though he started to falter. I had a call from the doctor explaining that Dad had a few health issues that could be helped with antibiotics but Dad didn’t want intravenous antibiotics and has been slowly declining although he did bounce back a little bit without the suggested treatment. Now his cognitive decline is quite obvious and he really struggles to hold a conversation. He has always been quite a fighter and has always gone against the system although recently he seems to have lost his fighting spirit.
Dad’s affairs are quite complex and I and my sister have been trying to get on top of his interests to see how we can help Dad pay for his care and general bills. Personally, I have been grateful for help from family. Friends have tried to help here and there but people already have a lot on their plate. Normally I just keep trying on my own and say with strata for example they will ignore my placid approach usually trying to tell me that things will get done soon. Then things just keep dragging on. I had heard of one lady who had a dispute with her strata for over twenty years and it was still in play. I am still keeping a low profile for a while as I avoid social media and all of the people taking sides. I am doing a lot of physical exercises though to relax and stay healthy. I think without my regular exercise I would have no way to unwind. When I think back to a time some time ago when I had a mental health crisis I didn’t keep up with good routines and after two years I lost a lot of my physical well being which impacted my mental health even more. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake twice. Even though I am currently conflicted and also in the middle of a larger crisis I need to be able to keep my body moving. I don’t have a lot of headspace left for a lot of things but I know I can keep managing with regular self-care.
2 thoughts on “Obstacles, care and self-care”
Keeping a supportive routine really helps. It’s like a scaffolding for everything else. Your Dad’s affairs sound very complex, you’ve done a good job. We always think there’s more we could have done, but it isn’t easy to sort out another person’s affairs especially our parent’s. Have a nice weekend.
Thank you Rachel, enjoy your weekend too!