I can still remember the mixed emotions when I was initially diagnosed with schizophrenia. It was traumatic and I was quite shocked. It was some years later that things got a lot worse for quite a while. I think initially I gave up on myself in some ways. If for example, you were in a war and in the middle of a battle. For whatever reason, you were separated from your platoon or wounded. It isn’t that your platoon doesn’t have your best interests at heart it is just that they also have to survive. I remember certain groups that I held in some esteem simply treating the situation as though it was a war and they had to contend with their own interests. I even felt that my partner started to treat me differently. Most people see schizophrenia as an issue that will get worse and worse. In a lot of ways that did happen for reasons other than what the prescribed position of the condition getting worse was.
I remember feeling angry at being abandoned by certain groups but when I think about it it was to be expected. Of course, there were a lot of friends who stuck by my side even in some testing times. Some people just leave your side as they have a family to start or some interests change. Being in a polarising time now I am expecting some groups to be just as cutthroat as before. I see people on both divides wishing each other the worst. I get sick of how social media only highlights divisions and how people try to manipulate each other.
The important thing to remember this time around is unlike my initial trauma with schizophrenia I actually know what is important. I know the basic secret for my own well-being. Whereas all those years ago I had no idea what I actually needed to keep my head clear. The funny thing was it was right in my face and I was too focused on being incensed at peoples biases and prejudices. This time around I know what I can do myself to steer clear of a collapse. I learnt this from people who may or may not abandon me in the social war that rages and who may or may not have abandoned me such a long time ago. There will always be conflict. It is part of the human condition. People, even if you are quite earnest can simply not have the time to hear you out. For example, I have been talking to a certain professional about certain concerns. They will recount general information that they have encountered and is quantifiable beyond your own experience.
It isn’t that they don’t care. It is just that they don’t have time to see one particular set of issues that differ from statistical information. As far as they are concerned it isn’t worth considering. I like the description from a fellow blogger that taking care of your physical body is the scaffolding of what so much of our well being is reliant on. I hope that by avoiding the overall conflict I can stay focused on what matters and not get caught up in the blame game in play. I can basically turn the energy that fills the world around me and cultivate positive energy and keep a positive outlook in a world that is turned upside down.