Painting portraits is a form of looking, not looking at the subject but looking at yourself through the subject. It is a way of finding yourself.
The shape of a train dictated my Digital images and their cut panoramic format. This longer more rectangular shape made sense as trains make a great canvas. The break I made with suburban trains was a difficult one but there was no regret though I did find it hard to break away from gangs. My crew were like family and with my decision to move on I was excluded but it was a self defining moment. Those who break out of a milieu can either become a hero or a nobody, at least in the movies anyway. In reality this movie that was my own life, this play of emotions was essentially about a social break. A psychosis of self definition, the self as defined by its milieu was now disconnected and somewhat delusional. These were delusions of grandeur and many artists suffer from this perplexing issue.
Also though, the psychotic can directly relate to the world through her lack of social connections. This disconnection lets the psychotic see in no uncertain terms what is there but largely ignored as it doesn’t concern the larger social order. What for most is a backdrop for others is all that exists. The streets become the order of ones existence and in extreme cases subsistence.
The world though closing was actually opening up, this was a period of looking ahead and to look ahead is a form of dreaming. Dreaming of stories to create and write myself into to direct my own beginnings and ends to take charge of the job of creating myself as I had disappeared.
If you offer your services to a community no matter how small is it fair to then be asked for more on top of that? Is that from the lack the vortex that is community? Has community thinking been swallowed into some profit less mania? There is so little of it that is has to be magnified. Being magnified from less to a lot less. Double the loss to fill the gap? I hope there is a happy ending, but you have to pay more for that I hear. ; )
Remember transforming malabar walls into beautiful murals around 2003. We used to get lots of positive feedback from the locals, they would give us food and give us praise. It only lasted two years before local gangs started destroying our work. It is a shame really as it never recovered and has become a graffiti wasteland where guys go to a quick piece leaving their cans and crap everywhere dropping throw ups etc. The locals thought we were hired by the council because we were professional and did great work, little did the locals know that the council couldn’t give a rats about the walls. They will most likely rip the walls down as the culture went sour. A whole lot of not caring from the council and other people who should step in. It is a shame but that’s just how it is.