excerpt Chapter 1 Section 2 CURRENT DRAFT

The shape of a train dictated my Digital images and their cut panoramic format. This longer more rectangular shape made sense as trains make a great canvas. The break I made with suburban trains was a difficult one but there was no regret though I did find it hard to break away from gangs. My crew were like family and with my decision to move on I was excluded but it was a self defining moment. Those who break out of a milieu can either become a hero or a nobody, at least in the movies anyway. In reality this movie that was my own life, this play of emotions was essentially about a social break. A psychosis of self definition, the self as defined by its milieu was now disconnected and somewhat delusional. These were delusions of grandeur and many artists suffer from this perplexing issue.

Also though, the psychotic can directly relate to the world through her lack of social connections. This disconnection lets the psychotic see in no uncertain terms what is there but largely ignored as it doesn’t concern the larger social order. What for most is a backdrop for others is all that exists. The streets become the order of ones existence and in extreme cases subsistence.

The world though closing was actually opening up, this was a period of looking ahead and to look ahead is a form of dreaming. Dreaming of stories to create and write myself into to direct my own beginnings and ends to take charge of the job of creating myself as I had disappeared.


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