Pick your poison

So far I have written three books on mental illness. Each coming from a different angle. There was another one planned but I shelved it after the third book because I felt I needed to write about something else for a change. There is a play I am writing as well but that is also partially shelved as it isn’t possible to publish it without other plays. What I need to do is just write more material in general to explore ideas rather than set myself a story to finish or work on. I am interested in writing about  wayward teenagers and abusive families but I need more material and time to think. It isn’t a priority. I have given myself until next year to set out on anything concrete. Thinking is so important. I get time to think at home after work and on the weekends. I tend to not socialise much as I need to think. I do have a bit on though at times. Walks are essential. Long walks. I socialise just enough to be semi normal. Also I enjoy hearing people tell their stories. It always amazes me what people have to put up with and go through. Also the way people talk. Sometimes I only get part of the story but can easily make the rest up. In a way, having a little niche with blogging and writing is lovely. If you suddenly became famous or rich it would be very shocking. Being able to write freely and without pressure isn’t so bad. When I was well known for graffiti in the nineties I felt a lot of pressure. I had a lot of friends but they were not genuine friendships at times. It was the hardest time of my life. I actually felt very lonely but was surrounded by people all of the time. I did everything to escape the trendsetting level of fashionable graffiti. I totally disregarded everything I was supposed to. It was like a visual wrecking spree. That was the point of graffiti anyway. I gave up on cheap fame and focused on family life and making ends meet. Reality has to take precedence over fashion. Fashionable graffiti these days makes me wonder why people bother. Great ideas still carry through with any medium. I put my money on artists like Risote who create conceptual graffiti work that has depth of thought.

People glorify fame. What a joke. I remember hearing Jeff Koons say that most people want to be a famous artist but have no idea of the reality of being a famous artist. I can only relate from graffiti which has exploded over the past twenty years into a cast of thousands. Local and international celebrities from all over the world do it. Festivals and sponsorship’s, mini movies and various other trappings. What a mess. I suppose that is why I have gone back to Qigong. To escape to the mountains like I did in China. To go on a pilgrimage for spiritual and holistic reasons. To escape. I suppose people want everything they can get their hands on, then start on the next thing while dropping the last quest. A bit like my writing really. I have quests but it isn’t motivated by fame. Of course money would be nice but I am not without money. I have a job currently. I suppose I thought I would share that little piece of experience with you. If you have ever wondered why I seem so full of contradictions and anti-social vigour. Writing itself is the freedom one needs in a world full of endless greed and profit before the common good. There is so much rubbish to lose oneself in. Pick your poison.

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