Empty yourself

For years I had issues with my condition. It was difficult to think mostly. Writing was an issue for me as it rarely lead to any kind of sense. I did some creative writing in high school and in University for general education. I performed a spoken word story in front of a very large crowd, some 400 plus students at University. When I lost the ability to write stories it was unfortunate. I still had visual art to keep me going. When I started blogging I had to start from scratch. This was in 2011. By 2014 I had published a short essay on my art with images. This was a breakthrough but none more satisfying than publishing two short stories this year on Kindle.

 

These days and over the past few years I have been writing more and more. I have two stories in the pipeline currently and have a play that I am writing. My current story is a comedy. It is a bit offensive but is quite forgivable as it has moments of kindness. The characters are quite flawed but amusing. I have a current plan that I am working through with writing. I tend to develop ideas on my blog and some find their way into the stories eventually. The plan or path that I am on is a five year plan. Hopefully I get past the current two stories and play which are somewhat transitional to a story I can see somewhere in the distance.

 

I feel like the current projects which will take a few years to eventuate are things I need to write to get the proficiency needed for this vague idea I feel is forming. To be honest it isn’t as vague as I am making out as I can literally see parts of the story already. I know it is coming. So if things go to plan I should have a major piece out within the next five years. It may happen faster or slower but it is the trajectory I can see ahead. With that there will be the other works. The two stories I am on currently are still unconventional but this next phase is mostly conventional. In the end who knows but this is what I can see forming currently.

 

Some people avoid thinking whereas I found with my condition having difficulty thinking was very debilitating. I naturally think a lot and more so these days. I tend to constantly take notes and have ideas in development. So in a way I don’t feel jaded because I have gained insight and have renewed abilities that I had at one stage lost. I likened taking medication to playing PacMan and getting the invincibility pill. The pill where ghosts can’t attack you. I improved over the past few years to levels unmatched my whole life. Most of my life was difficult due to residual issues that emerged to become the illness.

 

I have a lot of work ahead but I have always worked hard at creative pursuits. I have risked everything to be creative. To dedicate myself to a creative life. It is a simple life. Somewhat below the average wage. I wouldn’t recommend it. It is a choice you make. You live a life and observe people around you. You recount the characters and stories and also simply make the stories up. You make connections that probably where never even there. You empty yourself to be full. You lose yourself and hopefully find yourself. The contradictions suddenly become understanding. In the end you are just the messenger and the story was there among many others.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s