One issue with mental illness is the inability to tell dreams from reality. I wouldn’t say this is very common for me but turns up unexpectedly here and there. I would note that I seem to have a very seperate dream world that has its own logic. In this case it is quite different from who I am in reality. There can be times when I wonder whether something was real or imagined. It is less so these days but it is interesting to think about.

Who we think we are in our mind or dreams is very different from how others see us or how we might perceive ourselves. What is similar though between dreams and reality is the ability to see a picture or a view. In a dream though you tend to watch yourself doing the activity. Not always but that is something I have noticed. You know when you are in for a bad spell when you definitely can’t differentiate fact or fiction.

That means there is an issue in brain function. If a dream state suddenly surfaces and you wonder if it may have been real that isn’t nearly as bad because you can still question it. You can imagine why the dream state seems so real. Yet you don’t get attached to it. You don’t believe what it is telling you. The dreams which seem to be born of paranoia don’t latch on then. It is essentially paranoia trying to find another way in.

You are not quite sure of this dream you. It seems real yet has no basis in reality. In the dreams you are the accused. You are marked. You are though actually paranoid. It isn’t actually real. These vague accusations which seem to change and morph never happened. That is the giveaway. If in reality there is an event. There are real repercussions. There is a world of justice awaiting you.

In dreams though there is no resolution. Unless you understand the logic of the accusation you cannot get through the dream states. This place we inhabit can seem so real. If it has any basis in reality it is the place an illness can happily reside. It can play out the drama of paranoia. You can see yourself as the afflicted. As the accused. It isn’t something you want. It just happened. There were strands of information that didn’t quite match. They left a gap. A place. A spot. A world. A set of symptoms.

What are all of these accusations? The bullet came out of the gun yet it was moving slowly. You could see the bullet moving ever so slowly in real time. You hid the gun. It was buried. Guns scare you though. You have never seen a gun other than on a police officer. Then maybe the dream changed and it wasn’t a gun. Maybe it was a knife. It had been a gun for so many years though. It had been a gun for decades.

You see, you had seen through the whole drama. Maybe it was a knife. Why are the mentally ill criminal? Why are they the accused? They you see saw through reality. They could see it was just a dream. It was an illusion. They could potentially do anything. It wasn’t good though. It was a problem. There were signs that pointed to being unhinged. They may have been quiet. Maybe they were loud. It didn’t matter when in certain states they lost touch with reality. They were suspect. We couldn’t trust these people could we?

As long as the dream world doesn’t become your reality and your reality dreams. Then you are ok to go about your business. We entrust your autonomy. Sweet dreams.