People feel there are strict demarcations in regards to sexuality but I feel it is fluid just from my own experience. For example when I was younger I felt more female than male. There were times in my early twenties I felt the same way. Sometimes people can think this has something to do with sexual orientation but it doesn’t. I think people can feel this way but block it out as though it is confused. Being a human being is confusing and that is part and parcel of being alive. Confusion doesn’t necessarily have to be negative. I never had any confusion about these states but you couldn’t really discuss it because you were supposed to not be confused or know that other states were possible. Nobody taught me to feel these things it just happened in my organic body and mind.
So I never in my life felt threatened by sexuality or orientations because I knew from my own experience and I didn’t label it as confused. I use the term confused to highlight the real issue. The issue is the idea of confusion itself. It only highlights the misunderstanding of strict division.
confusion ~ noun common
1. disorder resulting from a failure to behave predictably
the army retreated in confusion
2. a mental state characterised by a lack of clear and orderly thought and behaviour
There is no actual disorder in being human, it isn’t though a state of order either. It definitely isn’t clear. What is it to be clear anyway? Is it similar to always being correct? When you talk about sexuality you have a sexual being in that you may be male or female but you are at the same time one being as in human. Not that it changes your sexuality but in a way simplifies the differences and possibly even complicates them. How you feel about your sexuality is another issue altogether. Who you may be attracted to may not have much to do with sexuality but with the person you are attracted to solely. That is what is human. The act of love and attraction. Really sexuality is fluid in that it has no regard for sexuality. People can and will act in a variety of ways and for a variety of reasons.
What is a constant though is the ideas that this state of being human and somewhat sexual is simply an equation of x or y. I am not saying it has to be complex but human beings are somewhat complex which is why societies formulate rules to create control. It is what truly creates disorder because people will follow their desires regardless of rules. I am not saying have no rules but the rules need to be understood as simply abstract ideas devoid of a complex reality. Reality is always complex which is why we use rules to navigate it. When I felt in the past that I was maybe female as far as how I felt it wasn’t that I was confused or was a female it was that I could within reason feel that way regardless of my sexuality. I could imagine it but couldn’t be a female in any case. What if I continued to feel that way? What would it really matter? I would simply follow my desires free of boundaries physical or otherwise.
What I really want to get at is that being human is as much about ideas and imagination as it is about physical boundaries. We are immersed in language which in a way confuses the issue as we can just make things up within those bounds. It isn’t that there are no boundaries and saying you are a woman or man doesn’t prove otherwise but you create your own truth through your social sphere. Groups are not a threat because they are varied. What can be threatening is when the limits imposed actually inhibit groups. Where doubts are squashed and there is no room for a messy reality full of imaginings and delusions.