My Dad was always a polarizing figure when I was growing up my first memories were traumatic and violent at home. He was also loving but it was tough when he would also attack people randomly on the street. I was pretty freaked out by it all. Then he was really unwell and couldn’t communicate for years. I remember going places with him when I was little and it was always an adventure. Sometimes scary though if he lost it at people. Then he was gone, he was totally out of touch with reality and I really missed him. I was heart broken. It wasn’t till I was seventeen and there was new medication that worked that the twinkle returned to his eye. I saw him and said to my sister I think Dad has changed. She wasn’t convinced having bore the brunt of violent physical abuse as a child from him. It wasn’t till my twenties that I confronted him. I wanted justice but after talking to him found peace instead. We became friends and he came back. He wasn’t going to ever be normal but he was not violent or out of control. Years of medication had given him some life back, he was quite happy and we have been friends ever since. One day we were sitting together and he had that distracted look in his eye and then he seemed to surface and told me that he had wasted his life, I reassured him he hadn’t and then he seemed to submerge again taking his insight with him. He has little insight into his illness but occassionally it comes. I am glad I got him back I think that has helped me find some peace within myself. Life can be cruel but understanding and love can heal.

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