It is almost impossible to get a clear message out. That is the challenge. My eldest daughter got me onto Substack and I am in and out of engagement. It is fascinating to hear about topics from a personal place. I mean this platform is also a place that does that. I tend to read physical books when I do read, I find screens a little harder but Substack is work break friendly.

Reading of people almost getting kidnapped on the street and then going through weeks of dissociation and feeling like their real self has left their body. Something about white people being sick and having no communities or problems culturally identifying. That they become allies of other cultures but have no culture of their own. 

I find it kind of comical, sad and click bait at times. I find I am less inclined to get too into expressing what I think about this stuff which is why I am more outlining it. There can be a science edge to make the writing look more informed, it is kind of fascinating. Although I will admit to forgetting most of the terminology.

There is a therapist’s slant to some of the writing which I find endearing, because we should admit we need more personal time and our whims shouldn’t be shoved aside. When I was younger I spent a lot of time with Māori friends of my Mums and I had my own little team of friends from that circle. I respected the culture, loved the food and the people were diverse.

I spent around 12 years of my life from birth in that community but I knew that people were all different anyway regardless of their race. I think also meeting many people in high school from diverse backgrounds made me realise that every culture is unique but so is every person. I never felt like I had no culture but was aware of the problems around status. People wanted to be important and that had to be earned through study and a profession.

I made a big mistake. I did what I wanted to do. I had to hide that a lot of the time. I couldn’t be honest about it. I chased graffiti in a very serious way. I worked jobs that paid for my art supplies when I was too old to be stealing. It was a mistake but I am glad I did what I wanted to do but I have to pay for that. Nothing is handed to you. Graffiti is kind of stupid. It is kind of smart too. Anything for that code. Encoded forms, decoded forms. Wasted youth. Eternal happiness. Plus luck.