Headspace

Learning some Feng Shui theory over the past few years has been challenging, strange yet has helped me accept some of what life throws up. When I trained Taoist martial arts close to twenty years ago, it was more psychologically challenging than anything else. After coming back to it after a long break and getting even deeper into the theory than I did some time before, at times I dreaded turning up to classes yet within myself I feel calmer and more accepting of the unpredictability of life. In saying that my own life isn’t particularly difficult, yet things do arrive and there have been some real challenges over the years.

I definitely have weak points and also some strengths. Something that I don’t do at all now is try to bring people down to my own worldview. I think when I first got back to Taoist training I would try and push ideas onto people. Only because I was afraid within myself, I needed to keep mindful of what I needed and push it onto others inadvertently. As though the journey I was on needed to be constantly validated. I wouldn’t wish the training onto anyone, as something that opens my own eyes and turns the world I know on its head and back again I can only find self-mastery within myself.

I can’t expect the Master to validate me, the Master can only show me the forms, the practicalities, it is up to me to be practical. The only joy that I get out of it is the physical practice, I follow the dietary principles though I am not strict, I enjoy the way I can move effortlessly and can keep up with people half my age. Though there is always a lot of work to be done. The practice never ends, it is for a lifetime. I always need to improve yet I need to practice. It is the cycle. I like the way the moves turn the energy. You draw the energy in and then push it out. I really like that about some of the foundational moves.

Though nothing seems black and white anymore. Nothing seems clear cut. The good brings something bad and the bad something good. They mix and so when I experience something bad I can at least see the good that has come out of it. It isn’t clear cut, the energies mix and suddenly I can see the bad things that can arise out of the good. It is a strange headspace to navigate, yet it makes me accept the unexpected. How do I feel about this? To be honest I am not sure. I can see the things I can lose with a certain success and the things I can gain with a certain failure. I still feel maintaining what you have, say health, or whatever it may be is important, yet with great losses, there can be great gains and with great gains, there are other things you lose. Even that isn’t clear cut as there are always variables within everything.

The reality is it gets even more complex and is more complex. If you can understand that level then I suppose you are the master. I just try to stay practical. My feelings are always changing. I am at least grateful that I can see more than just the obvious. Yet I hope with more practice I can see deeper still.

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