In the present

It has been a busy couple of weeks at work. From next week things will be a little more manageable as I will go back to my normal hours. The timing has been good though for a bit of extra work. Both of my children are now adults. Time flies. Being a parent has really been surreal. When I was younger I never thought I would have children because I wanted to go into visual art. Everyone in my family told me I would end up poor. I took their word for it and that is how it has worked out. I thought I would just be living in some run-down studio painting and scraping by. The thing is I met other artists who were just as crazy as me. When it came time to start a family I got a job in a high-end paint company selling paint for peoples homes. It was a creative company that hired a lot of artists and designers. They produced traditional paint finishes that required some creativity from the clients and applicators. I actually enjoyed the crazy environment of that company. It was a hard job and I had to give out a bit of attitude cause you would get a lot of attitude from the owner or staff in general. It was fun though. I was always breaking the rules and giving the owner and some other staff a rev up. When I had a full-time job and could start a family I was very happy. Unfortunately, my mental health took a turn for the worse and things soured with me and my ex-partner. I wish that things had been different and I guess it has impacted my youngest child. Not to mention I didn’t see my eldest for a while and I am happy that my kids are close. I have largely been absent from my eldest child’s life. I was a write off for almost a decade. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t manage my own affairs. I had no formal identification for a long period as well. I started working for another paint company that was less arty and more science-based. They are an outstanding company bringing professional quality innovative finishes for decades. They are a market leader in new paint technologies. During my tenure there I struggled to keep it together in a basic job. I was always reliable but it took a while for me to really recover from a very serious mental illness. Luckily after a very long period, I slowly started to get my life back together and manage all of my affairs and got formal identification and other important documents. I tend to manage every dollar these days. I am always paid ahead for all of my expenses. I am never late paying anything. I have a great credit rating. I may not have much money but the money I do have is managed well. I have managed to maintain good physical and mental health. I suppose nothing is perfect but I keep learning, observing and adjusting things here and there. These things I talked of now are only fairly recent achievements. I don’t take anything for granted. I live a very humble life because I can’t lash out and stay in a fancy hotel room or travel very often. Mainly I can afford local activities and simple pleasures. People will go out of Sydney and stay in an air bed and breakfast. On my budget that is pretty much impossible. I think people assume that everyone can afford certain things. It isn’t actually the case. I do live a good life though but it is quite simple. I go to work and normally I would visit my favourite Chinese restaurant once a week and probably spend around fifteen dollars. The most luxurious items I like to buy are Chinese or Japanese teas. Some can be pricey and I would like to buy a good tea set one day and possibly some scales to measure the tea. I said to my youngest the other day that parents have old heads on their shoulders. They can’t be expected to truly fathom the world of young people today. Even when I dream I am in a point decades in the past. Not all of the time mind you. Sometimes I dream that I am still in my younger years working out my life. I suppose I saw a lot of things slip by and never get resolved or go anywhere. I wake up and realise that it is too late to relive those years when I was absent due to things out of my control. I regret that but also have to accept that it is my story. I never would have foretold any of the things that have happened and even though now I have more control of myself I can’t see where I may be in ten years time. Although at least these days I am more present and not suffering.

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