I am really blown away by my own stupidity at times. If you don’t have good advice, you have to pay a high price for it. Or else sit in a dark room hoping someone will have pity on you. I get annoyed at my own simple-minded understanding as well. Don’t get me wrong, I am quite lucky most of the time. Yet I can find it hard to think when it really counts. It can take me a long time to solve problems when I really need to. Yet when I pay top dollar I get a good lesson about simple reasoning and choices. Thankfully I don’t worry too much about money. It is just when my cognition is stretched and something happens I can’t seem to figure it out myself even though the solution is simple. I just couldn’t think at that moment. It happens to everyone at times.
At this very moment, I am quite tired and can’t really get the old neurons firing. Today of all days I was thinking of how poor my thinking can be as well. Maybe because I knew I was tired and my brain was in that fuzzy state where I hope I don’t actually have any issues to deal with that will fry my wallet. I have been hard at it with my visual art and I did a little bit of writing and editing in the last few weeks. Also a lot of archiving which can be exhausting as well as trying to deal with limiting social media platforms to promote the work. Which to be honest is a big waste of time because it won’t necessarily get people off the social media platform to see the work in high-resolution detail.
I am glad that over the past few months I have pulled back from airing opinions on some topics because I can see that I don’t know the ins and outs of many issues. Normally I would just feel a sense of injustice and run my mouth. Injustices in question can still be real but if I don’t have a well-rounded understanding I won’t say anything at all. Mainly because I don’t want to add more noise to the arguments. Also, I don’t want to spend my time researching things outside of my main interests for the sake of airing facts and figures that most people will ignore anyway. I waste enough time already. Thankfully I still manage to make some visual art in between time-wasting. Hopefully, I can make a little more time for writing in the next few weeks and finish my current short story.
One achievement was learning (after over two years of study) how to make a turning game in Chinese divination. Though I still don’t know enough to be able to make judgments. I probably need a few more years of study and a better understanding of the basics to be able to judge a game. I can always understand patterns or mechanics which will seep in slowly but the actual subtle understanding and real knowledge is still a long way off. I will keep trying and weather my own limited understanding.