odd energy

A few weeks into my exercise routine, initially I had one night where I felt there was an odd energy about. I felt it was coming from outer space (oh no I knew I shouldn’t have started reading this!). It is strange to have experiences as someone with a mental illness that feel so real. Let me point out that around fifteen years ago I didn’t take my meds and heard a voice speaking to me. It didn’t seem real though. It felt like a waking dream. It was only a moment in time. It was fast. I also had a vision of a face. Also like a dream. Though what I felt was coming from outer space actually felt real. Is there energy in outer space? Well yes, we are surrounded by energy all of the time which we don’t notice as we have limited sensory awareness.

I want to invite you to believe that this energy was in fact from out of space (I can’t believe I am still reading this!). Welcome to my world. It felt real. I couldn’t sleep. My daughter had trouble sleeping that night too. Was there a supernova explosion somewhere in the Universe? Are my feelings valid? As valid as a conspiracy theory? It wasn’t an obsessive idea though. I didn’t care about its validity. It was simply an idea devoid of proof. Some kind of feeling I couldn’t explain. Yet I felt it was good enough to be creative about it. I didn’t talk to anyone about it. I just exercised until I was too tired to care anymore. Now that I have exercised for months on end every day I actually feel somewhat protected.

What would I do if I experienced this again? Start a cult? Join a cult? No I would practice a ritual. The exercises are a ritual. I would do what humans have done for milenia and do that ritual. It works on a deep psychological level. When you are on a planet in space surrounded by a universe you can’t explain a ritual can really help. People don’t even understand mental illness that well let alone what we have to deal with on this planet. We though think we know a lot. There is far more we don’t know. Arrogance won’t save us in most situations. Though we all to some extent pretend we know what is going on. Or at least think we do. People think they can buy validity or earn it. That may be true, yet there is a lot of explaining to do.

Logic at the end of the day is full of holes but it seems better than blaming outer space for our problems. Though I wasn’t really wanting to blame space but simply highlight its mystery. Let us not forget the many mysteries we can’t explain. Or at least can only explain in a rudimentary fashion such as conspiracy theories or arguments against vaccinations. Let us experience the world around us in new ways. Finding rituals away from technologies that divide us. There is energy all around us.

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