This year I have had quite a lot of anxiety. It was hard to put my finger on the root cause but I could see a pattern or two as I delved into my thoughts. For one I have a lot of control over my life at the moment. I feel in control of a lot of external things such as finances and managing day to day. My general well being has been very good and I have been managing well. What seems to be the issue is I seem to want to have control over everything. There are things though that you can’t control. Those things have been causing me anxiety.
In the world we can have a lot of influence and control over many parts of our lives but there are other parts that are beyond any form of control. This as I said previously can cause anxiety and it really has this year. I can get obsessed with micro managing aspects of my life and double check and triple check things. Then I realise that I don’t have full control of aspects and they start to worry me as though things will get out of control.
For me writing is the best therapy. I find writing a personal diary very therapeutic which I have been doing and also doing a little bit of cognitive therapy to formalise the writing process. There can also be a guilt from having a good life. You walk down the street and generally nothing bad is happening in your immediate world. Though you see mediated images or text and there is a level of uneasiness. People offload in a mediated setting which I do myself at times.
The world in general is just ticking along fine. I have to shelve my guilt about being fine. I have to understand having my life on track isn’t something to be afraid of. Sure I don’t have total control but I need to live in the moment and enjoy it.