To summarise my thoughts on confidence is you have a $20 decision most of the time. It is either a book or an album or some drugs. What helps you grow? What helps you see the bigger picture? You can fill the void of knowledge with conspiracies as well. We all want to know. We would like to be in the know but do we have the confidence? Also do we invest in our growth? If you spend the $20 is it an investment in culture or counterculture? They are the same thing really. You must know that you can’t know everything but you still have $20. What if you don’t have $20? Did you lose it? You never had it? You couldn’t earn it?
What if you stole $20 then what? Do you use it wisely? Do you invest it? Knowledge is an investment. Say you had $3000 dollars. You probably had more. What did you do with it? I know guys who have blown $50,000 and they could have put it in a term deposit and just used the interest. It is never enough though. Especially when you don’t know how to handle it. If you went to the Opera House would it really matter? If you spent the $20 on drugs what happens then? You buy liquor and drink it. Then what?
You party until it is gone. You become a rock star for five minutes. Nobody knows and people don’t care. They spend $12,000 a year just keeping the whole show on the road in Sydney. Keeping the lights on and heating or cooling. You move away from Sydney and you don’t regret it. It is a cheaper lifestyle. A guy spends $20 on some drugs sends a car onto the curb and kills someone. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he thinks I have nothing to lose. He walks into a book shop. It seems so strange. What is all of this shit? He picks up a book, he picks up a gun, he picks up a vinyl record, he picks up a meal.
We have all been hard done by. We blew that $20. We had $20. We didn’t know what was real or fake. We thought the most expensive restaurant was the best decision when you could have spent $20 on a meal. Knowing when or not to. Not knowing what was real or fake. I know myself I have blown around $50,000 on making art for little to know return over decades. But did I invest wisely? Was it a good thing? Did I get something out of it? Was it inspiring? It is a matter of opinion. I could have been living off the interest if I kept it growing. There are always overheads. What do you want to do with yourself? It isn’t too late. I bet you can find $20 somewhere.