The risky bid for freedom

The toilets smelt of stale piss. They were also sites of sexuality and homo-eroticism. A lot of young men felt threatened by their own sexual fluidity. They were angry at themselves for sexuality in general. They had no idea of sexuality really, they knew simply an agenda of fear from the specter of sexual freedom. Why were some young men so afraid of homosexuality? It could have been from representations of aids but there was more to it. In a sense he knew sexuality was fluid. It was also repressed. In a lot of cases homosexuality had even been a crime over the years. It was a crime of passion. The fact that it could be criminal or was under the radar made it attractive for thrill seekers. They could meet and indulge. In some ways the fear of homosexuality was a carry on from Catholicism in that there were victims who then found themselves carrying out their victimhood. This though was isolated but also strangely popularised through jokes and word of mouth. This in a lot of ways made some violent young men feel they could be vigilantes but they were in the wrong headspace anyway. He on the other hand liked the idea of places becoming sites of sexual fantasy and could understand the thrill.  The way a site could be repurposed. It had nothing to do with victims until of course the violent young men bashed the gay men.

They felt validated by nothing more than their own ignorance and lack of understanding. They knew though that the gay men were having a good time. They were free to explore their sexuality whereas the young men had no idea. They were stuck. They were not free to explore their own sexuality. Soon enough they lost their freedom to be active members of society. They were criminals and murderers. They had come crashing down on what was a bid for freedom by homosexuals. These sites were chosen because they were a risk. They were far from conservative staples of marriage and children. In a way the agendas of repressing homosexuality that had been enacted were creating a moment for the repression of sexuality to explode into violence. If you were truly afraid of aids you wouldn’t draw blood. They were afraid of their own sexuality. They were afraid of themselves and their own lack of freedom. They were carrying violence into what were bids of freedom. It was a dangerous freedom but an attractive one. There was always a fear of getting caught. Caught being a sexual being that was fragile and oppressed by opinion and at times the law. Lets not forget the other popularised idea of ‘the wall’. A place where addicted young men sold themselves for sex. This also created a lot of ill will but it had little to do with men meeting in toilet blocks but powerful men using addicts for sex. These places created a sea of misunderstandings and innuendo. It was a recipe for disaster when all people really wanted was understanding and sexual freedom. 

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