Just realised the other issue is just being a bad painter in general. Would prefer to just write stories but that is an even bigger emotional roller coaster. The writing will be in full swing soon as I have time off. Honestly I am happier with my writing to be honest. It isn’t that great but it is cathartic for me. The other kind of anti-social thing I try to harbour is a dislike of people trying to avoid things they don’t like. Trying to absolve for one, the clinical attitude of ‘style’ and the other people avoiding ‘negative’ people like myself. Really though I am not negative maybe flawed but I shouldn’t be scratched off the Christmas list for not being the perfect person in peoples lives. A photo of a bunch of smiling perfect looking people in a white heartless cube of style laughing scares the life out of me like my negative attitude does to them. You can’t edit life, hang on a second we can!!! The dichotomy of negative and positive attitudes with which to surgically edit the perfect human in the echo chamber of lost minds.