One thing that I can’t help is to see through my own work. It isn’t a criticism because I just let things be and try my best but I always see issues. The saving grace at this stage is that I don’t really care either way because I don’t feel like I want something to be perfect or that rock solid. I try to make it as best as I can and put in thought but I know there are issues built into the way I work. For one everything is spontaneous and there is not much planning though as I work I see a path that I can take. Sometimes there are a few paths and even when I take them I don’t know exactly where they will lead but there are the built in limitations of tones lines and forms. There are limits that present themselves closing the options as the work progresses and in the end it seems fitting but not obvious or preordained.
There are ways things interact with each other that are pointing toward endings. The telling part though is you have a beginning every time you start something and then it ends somewhere. Which comes back to the quote of “If you engage in travel you will arrive” by Ibn Arabi that struck me when reading Bill Viola’s collected works in 1993 that I bought and obsessed over for a long while. Even when I start a portrait it is no different to the way I start the pattern based works because they are recognisable forms in the end. It seems contradictory because a portrait needs to look like the person but I feel like the pattern based works gauge with the same issues because they tend toward being something as opposed to nothing. We give a face familiarity though we can choose not to just as much as abstract pieces though it doesn’t really matter as things exist to be either found or lost and we never really know what we don’t know but we know there is a lot we don’t know. Everything is a process of discovery.