Rebuild

Usually can find myself thinking especially on the bus. Today I was thinking about psychosis as a car crash, I thought to myself that I had driven myself over the edge. It wasn’t in relation to any current events but every now and then I will think of my grandparents and family. I remember when I was around certain family members and in a lot of ways I miss my grandparents on both sides of the family. Remember just being around and them being around then I think of a transition where I became quite distant. It wasn’t just about not being there physically but mentally. I really have no regrets and I don’t get depressed usually because I can understand the process of psychosis from experience.

As an example I get on well with my father because I read between the lines. I know what is psychotic and what is genuine because I am tuned into it. That doesn’t mean it is easy or ideal for me to contend with but it is second nature. Normally most of the conversation is ignorable but there is content that I can’t ignore because it is genuine communication. There is a high noise to signal ratio but it is there. Understanding people is really beyond most people, even in rational communication there is a lot of noise and it is easy to get the wrong idea and misunderstand the signal.

To conclude I went for a walk to the beach and surveyed the damage from the storms. There is a lot of erosion and debris, the walkway on the south side of Coogee beach is damaged and the surf club lost a wall as well some of the balcony area. Sometimes I feel that I am full of ideas, in some ways the process of writing lets me sort through what seems a mess. Writing is like my way of rebuilding.

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