Had a good conversation with a mate who is doing a few shows at the minute, it was funny because he has had real problems since his gallery let him go for taking a different direction in his work. He knows he can no longer make money from art though he once made a little, he doesn’t really work the scene now as he is busy and he still feels a bit cheesed off in general. We were talking about different approaches to losing. We laughed because some guys go screw it I am going to smoke ice and get drunk every day. Some guys will do that each to their own, the approach I take is similar but not as unhealthy. For instance I will do some graffiti and just imagine in my head that I am wonderful and am just misunderstood, so even though I am obviously out of it, it isn’t such a burden to society. I don’t necessarily get famous on Instagram but I avoid self harm. I know in myself that what I do is worthwhile not because anyone is telling me so but because I do love myself.
My whole life people have been pretty blah about what I do. I would show my Mum my drawings and she was never sure what to say, they would be a present and then get binned. My Dad would keep my drawings but a bunch got damaged, my Mum was more understanding when I got older. So even though my interest in art had a cool reception I still loved doing it and the interest just kept building. When I was seventeen my Grandmother told me not to do art and I guess I was used to the lack of support so I took it in my stride. Now I totally understand because art has been the biggest problem I have had. Better than an ice addiction though. Art for me though as I told my mate is just something you can’t help if you are that way inclined, even if you are getting nowhere with it. My friend told me he may move into more ephemeral work like photography, video and installation it can be documented then thrown out, we do live in a throw away society. It is a shame because this guy is an accomplished sculptor and painter but you have to except that people in Sydney are under the pump. If you were renting would you want lots of art in the mix? I have some art pieces that are worth some money but they are personal pieces because I have known some important artists and they were friends and ironically they were throwing them out years before they were famous and collected. The world turns and things can turn around that is why I am happy just living in my own head thinking I am wonderful while the world around me stresses at how they are going to get ahead. I am lucky though as I am not renting and I was telling my mate how I really wanted to make a painting at the moment even if nobody in the world cares. Some people hit the ice pipe and drink alcohol, at least if your going to live in your head make it sustainable and a bit of fun.