It is difficult to summarise someone’s life, especially when it’s your Mother. Also I only know my mother as a son. Before that I really only had a small inkling. I remember talking a lot with my mother when I was younger. I had a lot of ideas about things and my mother was mostly approving but she left me to go on tangents. First and foremost she let me be me. There was mostly food on the table, a pot of tea ready to be enjoyed. Yet besides Piri she didn’t have the best taste in men.

There was some underlying disappointment and trauma from a failed marriage but I don’t think she was bitter. I would get the feeling my Mum had expected more from life. It wasn’t something exact because she never articulated it. She was social in her younger years and full of laughs around her friends and immediate family. She was somewhat sensitive and would misread a quip and say “I don’t like so and so”. My Dad was her biggest critic which really bothered her until the day he died.

My Dad was a terror and even when my Mum was showing hospitality to him and letting him stay at her house he was still at his worst. So you could say her sensitivity was long term and at times made her prickly which didn’t help but is understandable. Yet when she was in her element she laughed and it seemed she didn’t have a care in the world. She was kind when she felt safe, she didn’t like show offs, the fat cats and had a working class affinity to what was acceptable.

Her world was her brothers and sisters, even in her final hours she was asking about her brother. She loved reading the papers and doing the crosswords. She used to love television when I was growing up but then years later she said it just wasn’t the same and was boring. Her world sadly was getting smaller after losing her two brothers and her sister Betty. Betty kept Mum motivated and always pushed her out of her comfort zone. That was just what Betty was like.

Once Betty passed Mum lost interest in almost everything except the papers and crosswords. She didn’t want to go to the club anymore. My sister and I took Mum out to eat but Mum was quite against overdoing things and spending money unnecessarily even though it wasn’t her money being spent. She was unpretentious, humble and appreciated small things like walking to the shops on a sunny day so really she kept her life in a simple rhythm and in the long run didn’t address her own needs as much as she could have. 

She always said to me she was proud of her children because we weren’t ratbags and had done well in our lives. As her son I appreciate her faith in us and I feel lucky to have had the chance to learn to enjoy the simple things in life and appreciate what I have. She will be missed.