It is interesting to hear different opinions on an artwork. I had a drawing that to me was crude and beautiful. It was lovely to see it arrive after some time. Some people I message are artists, some are not. One opinion I got was that the work was ‘Anarchy and chaos’. They loved the work and ended up with the artwork being described as ‘disruptive’.

The word ‘disruptive’ resonated with me. Only in that my whole graffiti career has felt disruptive. Especially in the beginning. Especially now. That is a loaded word in the art world. Maybe it gets used too much. I was talking to another artist and they said the person who said it was disruptive was probably trying to burst my bubble. I hadn’t thought about it like that.

It got me though and my own feeling is I love work that is disruptive. At least in the safety of graphite on paper. When I started graffiti as a twelve year old, I wanted to be disruptive. That was the attraction so it felt validating to see those symbols arranged in that word. I don’t think anyone was trying to burst my bubble and it felt so good to think about it that way and have someone use that word.

I kind of felt my work was understood by a person who wasn’t necessarily into fine arts or had a deep knowledge of fine arts. Sometimes I feel misunderstood, sometimes I feel like a failure, a lot of times I have doubts, then I feel it is all how it should be. Then one word hits me and I feel like there is something to work with. Something to think about. Something to understand and run with.

I am going to change the subject but it kind of has a correlation to the above. If for example someone says to me I have writer’s block and I am like, oh that is normal it is good to be creative even for the sake of it. The person is probably not looking for sympathy and my opinion can be seen as one sided and uncaring. Then the conversation is over. In that its only messages. Basically future messages are blocked.

Then being my age I am full of my own one sided ideas, oh, art is a privilege, suck it up. Writing doesn’t have to make sense and be good. Writing can just be noise, nonsense, exercises, attempts. So once again I am using my own knowledge, taught in the late 20th Century to be a man of every excuse for any stupid thing. So no wonder I have no luck on dating apps. I am an arsehole and stuck in the past.

Yet I have to make the most of it, I can try and understand today’s world. I am a little bit stupid in that I just don’t get it. Maybe if my mind was able to get in other peoples shoes then I could be the guy who rather than give my opinion, or think my knowledge is useful could say the words ‘that is valid’. That way there are no opinions, no prior knowledge, no mansplaining, no vibes but validation.

Yet what makes me ‘disruptive’, ideas from the 1970s art avant garde, what today looks like a lot of wank, in people doing performances that seem more spectacle than anything else in the early 21st Century. The disinterested artist with no shame, not a care in the world and zero care of ridicule. Contemporary galleries that were once a place of art worship are closing their doors. It’s all going, going gone. Graffiti is more about business and hustle culture. Clean lines, clean image and sponsorship. No more disruption?