I was up early on New Year’s Eve and painted with some friends. By the end of the day I was exhausted, I thought I needed to think and clear my head. I was in bed early although it is hard to sleep until after the New Year’s festivities have ended properly. I dreamt about painting on canvas during the evening and morning. I was dreaming about making painting a priority and doing something relevant and consistent.

In the morning of the New Year I was well rested and slept in. I did some reading on New Years Eve and New Year’s day. On New Year’s Eve I found it hard to do Qigong because I felt the energy was too heavy and very negative. I could only do 15 minutes and didn’t want to battle the energy and knew I needed to get some sleep. I did watch the 9pm fireworks upstairs for a few minutes but all I could think about was Gaza and weapons exploding.

I realised in the morning that I didn’t have the headspace to really think things through. I read and watched a Mike Parr interview I was meaning to finish and my current book is very stuffy but the language is beautiful to read. I normally don’t have a resolution for the new year but last year I definitely did. I think the main focus I could garner was to keep focused on health and Qigong.

I might have a date lined up for sometime soon with a lady I was chatting with. It has been ages since I have let my cold frozen heart thaw. I have been celibate for a very long time and very happy to be that way and not deal with other people being close to me. I will just see how things go and take it a day at a time. I am very conscious of my own odd life of art and alternative living. I don’t live life the way a lot of people live life.

I couldn’t really think the day before New Years Eve either, I had to work out a BaGua move where I transitioned. I know the main move but the transition is new to me. There are two variations to the transition and I am trying the simple one first. It is funny how my trainer always manages to lock into the main issues of the season. The thinking side of things now is a challenge, it can be because of the heat and then cold. There is a lot going on in the world as well.

I feel like giving up but I can’t, I know I can’t just drop everything. What I always try to remember is that everything changes constantly. I might be struggling in my head at the moment but then things will change. That is just how things work. I am just finding it hard to be clear headed which isn’t too much of an issue.