I am known to push people away, it isn’t malicious. I could say that I fill my life with reading, writing and visual art. Even though it doesn’t get me anywhere I find it personally enriching. I suppose I will entertain myself. Normally I only talk regularly to one friend. I make time for my family. Yet most of my time is solitary. It is peaceful. I like to inspire people with positive thoughts, especially friends who most people have lost faith in. I spend a lot of time doing Tai Ji and drinking tea. I prefer writing to speaking. When I speak I can lose my words at times. I forget a word, or can’t remember the exact word I want. Yet when I write I can think. I have time to think. It can be difficult in a conversation to have the time to get out what you want. Conversations have a different flow, they move quickly and sometimes a thread is lost in a moment.
I guess I don’t give myself much time for other people. Yet I love hanging out with family and friends. I just need a lot of quiet time to do all of the things I do. Some of my friends say how do I do all of this random stuff. Yet I feel like I am not doing much at all. It is just that over a year a lot of stuff accumulates and it looks like a big effort. In a way, it actually is a big effort. I suppose you could say I can see the path that I am on. I see things appear out of the randomness of life. Sampling the destitute, writing poetry from observations and musings. Making visual art from all sorts of inspiration, like I have said the only rewards come from your own happiness and interest. You have to be mad to be happy in this world.