Life is Fragile

Something that is important to note is that life is fragile. I try not to take anything for granted and I have been feeling blessed to reconnect with my sister and brother in law. Things are still up in the air with my father and it will be a miracle if he bounces back. I will find myself bursting into tears in random places. Maybe on the way to work or in a certain location things bubble up. I really hope Dad can find the strength but he has a big burden to carry. When I do some Qi Gong I can feel the energy of spring heavy in the air. I keep reminding myself that life is fragile and you have to tread with care. I hope this knowledge can sustain me, I hope the energy can sustain all of us. I got to spend a bit of quality time with my Dad and even though he couldn’t muster the energy to talk he put his hand out towards me and I held his hand. Some of my Dad’s decisions were not in his best interests but he has always had a rebellious nature. I think now he has to put all of his energy into staying alive. The last five or so years have been difficult for Dad. He had a bit of a relapse and always forthrightly refused care for treatable problems. There was a social worker who liaised with me quite a while ago and she tried to improve Dad’s life but Dad wouldn’t listen to any of her advice. She wanted to improve his medications and I was willing to pay for the medications as well. Yet he point-blank refused and rebelled. I started to lose my patience but at the time couldn’t see how all of these decisions would play out and left my Dad to it. We had a couple of arguments and in the end, I decided to respect Dad’s right to make his own choices. I could never reason with him. We were a bit cool with each other over a few years and then he got cancer. In a way, it was lucky because the hospital treated all of his conditions that he had avoided yet it was bad as he was now in a more vulnerable position. If he had listened to all of the advice and not been so ready to refuse advice things might have worked out differently. It is always easy to see in retrospect but a few people tried. Dad only got more entrenched in his own ideas. I hope he can bounce back. The doctors and nurses are doing all they can for him.

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