Pretty depressing realisation but beautiful ending

I had this strange realisation the other night before bed. I realised my own interest in art was simply blocking everyone out of my life. It was of no benefit and I shouldn’t subject people to my interests. For example writing or being creative has no benefit for anyone around me. It is simply an escapade and empty gesture. People have better things to worry about than my art. Especially my thoughts on art or my art in general. I was really into this particular idea as I thought it over. It was like all I achieved is moving people away. They tire of it. They don’t want it in their homes. They rarely appear interested in it. They would rather switch on the television or stream music. Who needs what I say is art? My conclusion was just to hide my art. Hide my interests from people. Why do I get to say that what I do is interesting or relevant? Why big ‘note’ myself? Why try to pretend that I know any better. What do I know? What does it matter? Will the world cry over my life or death? Nobody cares. As I pondered all of this I realised I couldn’t stop myself even if I tried. So I was determined to just disappear from view. Can I even do this? Can I step away from this ongoing failure of mine that I share quite liberally? Here I am sharing this once again. What I can understand is that the reason I make things and write things is because I am interested. I look at other creatives who are obscure as well as known by a bigger audience. There was a particular artist I was looking at the night before. I saw how her Catalog of work was rarely viewed or interacted with. I already know art is obscure. It is hidden away mostly. Yet she still makes work for a relatively small audience. Most of her audience that see her work on the streets don’t know anything about her. They fail to understand, they fail to see. Some though ask a question. Who is this? What is this? Most people are at their wits end. They have no time for anything other than survival. That is the Neo-liberal world in full swing. There is something there she said. There is something in my art, in my painting. It is like a ghost that haunts me. She hopes it haunts you too. 

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