It was definitely interesting reading Grillo’s essay. In fact pleasure is something that I haven’t been getting from visual art per se. Vision in general is quite interesting to think about. Pleasure is definitely very visual. The fact that schizophrenia doesn’t affect the blind makes a point that I had no idea of. My father has delusions and these are in a way an appropriate action when you perceive the world in a particular way.


The perception itself is a visual cue to a world that seems alien. The delusions make a reason that however delusional makes the person experiencing it feel better about their perception. After reading the essay I remembered ways I had seen the world when I had been doing a lot of life drawing. I could switch off my reasoning and see the world as alien abstractions of form and colour. Sometimes after a long session of life drawing I would forget what objects actually where instead seeing something unknown to me.


This way of perceiving could carry over into areas outside of art. I am quite good at portraiture as I can abstract a face and understand what makes it unique through recognising patterns in tone and shape. I also had to practice this skill but I had a strong grounding maybe due to my condition.


What I have tended to do now is focus on ideas and not worry about visual language. Instead I feel (this is most likely delusional) that my work is about language itself not the visual cues of line and form. My graffiti is an obvious example as I skew letter forms which leave a visual trail. This though isn’t the exact point I want to focus on but on the way lines and forms can carry visual aggression or hyper masculine tropes (heavily delusional).


Even if these ideas are suspect in some way I feel they describe my perceptions which are not meant to be wrong or right but simply are how I see the world around me and my interaction with it. In fact lines can express disorganised or organised patterns. To call a disorganised set of lines a pattern is not logical yet it can make sense if you have created the lines through a repetitive set of rules that overlap even if disorganised perceptually.


What I am trying to describe is that perceptions and this includes delusions are logical patterns even if they are flawed. So to conclude the quest for pleasure should be followed within reason as pleasure can motivate us. If anything I do derive pleasure from disorganised patterns and work based on delusions as it allows me to feel that I have a voice in a world that is inclusive.

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