Nimmitabel as I said previously was great but I realised when I went through Canberra that it isn’t cities that excite me. Canberra is a pretty boring city though it has changed a lot since I had been down a while back in 2003. The reason I think I have stayed put other than getting barred from family holidays by my ex is that I don’t really want to go to cities that much anyway. If it really excited me I would have just gone somewhere because I could have squeezed a few holidays in. So Nimmity was more interesting for me as it in some ways terrified me. It was challenging to go so far off the grid into self sufficient territory. The fear factor makes it more appealing overall. With cities there is the familiarity of people and all of the upsides and downsides of that. I guess considering that I am pretty anti-social at the best of times going bush is perfect.
In saying that I loved sitting by the fire chatting but it was being out in the open where you can actually see the stars that was rewarding. No wonder I have been to the Blue Mountains so much rather than anywhere else the past decade and a bit. You can see the stars on a clear night and hear animals rustling through the thick bush. The other factor is I have really only been seeing certain friends who I feel comfortable with as I have become maybe a little rigid in my thinking and interests. Being a father has made me seek routine and stability. When I look at it I have really avoided a lot of people who are a bit chaotic. I suppose I don’t need the drama of people who aren’t interested in creative pursuits. People who will dabble in drugs who don’t have any clear direction. It was around 2009 that I started shying away from my old habits of seeing certain people and going to paint in certain areas.
Truthfully I have developed a deep distrust of people. I get turned off by self interest that seems relentless and too targeted. I don’t want to have to be around what is supposed to be the successful clique. I would rather be creative and have fresh ideas that aren’t prescriptive. I would rather have the fear of being self sufficient than the tableaux of doing it right. I never wanted to be right in the first place, I just want to be creative.