My Mum has gone into care. She was quite resistant but what I found was that visiting her the next day there were a few moments of clarity. She was right in saying that the dementia ward was probably a bad choice as she isn’t as far gone as some of her peers in that ward. For example some can’t speak coherently, many have lost bowel function and some aren’t mobile. What I said to Mum was that maybe it’s not the best fit currently but it is hard to get into care at all. So at least she was in the system. My Mum said maybe in a few years she could deteriorate with the condition but in her words, “It just isn’t right”.

At the same time my Mum is trying to make the situation more comfortable by requesting a notepad, pens and some books amongst other things. What I realised though was just being with her and chatting was the most important thing of making a transition into the care system. When I was there she had autonomy and could go downstairs on the street and have a smoke. We could go on the roof and have a cup of tea. We could sit in the lobby and at one stage, we sat in the ward while she had a cup of tea. I signed some forms and then I told Mum I would visit briefly Saturday afternoon but be around on Sunday.