There is this kind of redemption path that you explore as a writer and it is interesting to see how you explore the desire hidden in the other, being different races, different people or the way your own desire is thwarted by the other, different races, different people etc.

Is redemption more about getting desire fulfilled, like what it is you are supposed to be or want to be? Or is redemption realising you have choices? The only reason I am thinking about it is that I remember when I was about 15 or so and another friend was getting out of control.

We both knew at that time the limits that we faced. We knew the map as articulated through movies, television and media. I was saying you don’t have to take that path, there are other ways available? When I think about it now, maybe I was the one who was mistaken.

Who was I to know? Yet he already knew as well. I couldn’t change his path and my path wasn’t exactly a redemption story. Yet all of the propaganda, the life guides, the brave, the weak, the foresaken and the underlying political theocracy made us think we could write stories that were like a lot of the other stories.

No wonder we all hated ourselves, there weren’t a lot of plot lines to choose from. Yet in my head I could explore the stars all the while avoiding the people ready to burst my bubble. Ready to scuttle the ship, can I stop this thing from sinking? What mental gymnastics do I need to do just to feel comfortable in my own skin.

If you disengage and go within to a point it helps, but reality doesn’t just go away. Yet the real power is knowing when to engage and when not to engage. You can in some ways disappear right in front of people. I mean we all do it everyday. Then out of nowhere we can appear by proxy. That is the graffiti letter, arrived without an invitation.