One thing that I am grateful for is peace of mind. Most of my creative practices tend to feed into a sense of calm and self control. Sometimes creatively I feel like I am pushing people away but it feels like the right thing to do. When I am painting a wall it can be fun to play obnoxious music or make a work that seems like a way to screen interactions.

A friend of mine just came out with how I was an art snob, it wasn’t a criticism and I agreed. I said yes I am an art snob. The real problem I have though is I am not really an art snob but it’s a lens or an aperture I try to see the world through. Something that I will never fit but I am pushing the narrative anyway to drive off the people who will drag me down.

It isn’t that I am in a better position, it is just that I want a small circle and I would tire if I were further up the pyramid or further down. I feel on some level my visual art should have more approachable standards or be less bad art wank but I need to keep the peace in my small world. I honestly don’t like the work I make and always think it could be better but at the same time I am focused on my inner world and inner stability.

The problems with my approach to art are built into my need to feel calm, relaxed and at ease. People always go on about taking risks or being just out of your depth but the only risks I take are to secure my own sense of self and live a healthy life. Note I don’t intrinsically need to be happy but I don’t need damage, struggle, huge ups and downs and to remain at peace is actually a really hard job. I am not lazy, just crazy.