When you learn obscure knowledge it can be frustrating when you have to turn up to reality. Mostly I feel great and it doesn’t bother me but occasionally you wonder what the point of knowing things is really about. I suffer more when I ignore what I do know more than this life of obscurity. (I promise I am not complaining, I am doing quite well).
I am social enough and I don’t mind small talk here and there. I do grapple with the understanding I have. When you get a chance to explain it, it can defy comprehension. Not that it is my job to find common ground. Or my job to explain some point of view that is more about practice than words.
I suppose even if you know something that means you don’t crash land yourself you never get some trophy or plaque to stick on your wall. Not that I want one. You still have that familiar discomfort of being in a body. The only way to fix a dilemma is just to let it take its course. It isn’t anything serious.
I meet people in my different life roles and it is amazing to see what looks like self interest on display from parties who need help. You try to share some opinions but most people are locked into some goal or point of view. They are busy chasing glory and there is nothing wrong with that.
What gets me is the inability to see things from a different angle. Not that it even matters. I don’t get them, they don’t get me. There is no bad blood but just tasks to complete and things to do.
A friend of mine had a woman who was in love with him, he said he wanted to be friends as he was taking it slow. She wasn’t interested in him really, she was interested in her desires. Now they are both somewhat miserable. Just lots of regret.
Mostly this angst of mine is probably more to do with the weather. It is also an age thing. I have seen a bit of life. I see the patterns. I have my own patterns. My own patterns at least are not destructive. That is good. I am lucky in many ways.
I suppose learning is both a blessing and a curse, once you know a way to conduct yourself it is impossible to go back to your old habits. You lived to know that, all of the other things could have killed you and created disarray. There is no mistake in knowledge that guides a good life.
derekjamescarter 
It has been a terrible winter for me, reiforcing the lack of human warmth that seems to be the cornerstone of our new paradigm. I am in a class of mostly younger people. No matter how bizzare this modern life becomes people adapt and normalize it. The madness of all this social engineering may have seemed ham fisted at times if not completely insane. I can’t say we are in the aftermath as it hasn’t ceased, but I can see how it has altered my every interaction and approach on most things by degrees. You may even see this whole new paradigm as a monty python scetch even if the punchline could land you in jail.