It is a bit difficult to do much at this time of year, it is better to slow down and relax. I was supposed to paint Saturday and had to work. I went for lunch with my youngest and went to see the guys at the wall. I was given the option to paint on the Sunday so I saw my Mum, sister and brother in law then went to meet Michelle and go to the wall. I wanted Michelle to meet a few other graffiti writers.

It was good to see everyone again and meet some new people I had never met before. Some old friends are going to scan a few old walls from a few decades ago. I only had a handful of photos from that era. After 2003 I kept good documentation and probably overdid it on some walls. There is still a gap from the late 80s and a little bit of the 90s. Seriously though, I painted a lot over decades.

Generally I never really talk much about my involvement in aerosol art, my youngest daughter only found out about me from other people her age recently. How anyone can remember me seeing that I haven’t done illegals since 2007 or know anything about me at all surprises me. My work mates never knew about me until someone told them. Some friends I know never knew and I never mentioned it and someone younger told them.

Some of my tags nobody knew were me because I never mentioned it because the more you said back in the day the more word got around. Even when I had drama I never broadcast it at the time. Probably after 2007 was the only time I really broadcast a drama but it was resolved pretty quickly and I quit illegal graffiti for health reasons. Sometimes you need new challenges and to change your outlook.

I love raw work and when I see spots that are plastered with throw ups and tags I wish I was young again but at the same time I am glad to be older and have experience. When I was young I had a lot of vision but it took so long to get that out. It probably started bubbling up in the 00s and I am kind of glad that my descent into a mental health abyss kept me in aerosol culture. I honestly was always keen to escape it but it gave me opportunities galore.

Even when I was at my lowest point I could get out and paint something, do some tags. I was always engaged with the world around me, I was active and creative. When I had a relapse which was hard on me both physically and mentally I still got walls up and made a visual story with comics. They were crude and very raw works but they captured where I was at perfectly. I made it a personal journey and as far as I am concerned the saga continues but in a better headspace.

I look back at a lot of my work and can see the honesty, the engagement and where I was at that time. Whatever you do, follow your instincts and interests, make it a unique journey because life is short. Also some things only make sense in your hood, your city, the international experience is a whole other thing. I have never pieced out of Sydney, I did some tags and throw ups in Melbourne but only because I turned up out of nowhere and slept rough on the streets for a bit with my girlfriend of the time.

Since I have been friends with Michelle many people have asked if we are more than friends. Sticking a dick in a hole is not really conducive to more. Being a friend and being emotionally connected and supportive is more. No wonder the society we live in is ‘fucked’, people think a dick in a hole is more. It is not more, it is sad and people need to focus on emotionally supportive friendships and less on sausage hiding. All of these people kill themselves because of a lack of emotional support and genuine connection.

If people got their sad dicks out of their hands, and women aren’t much better to be honest maybe we could unfuck our society and actually be happy. So rather than play the hide the sausage and act ‘fucked’ we are close friends and cheer each other on. It is not my fault the society I live in is fucked on every level and people continuously fuck themselves and everything else. It’s all good if that’s all you want but people aren’t some bag of meat. So no I am not fucked and I have no interest in being a fucked person either.