We have been given every opportunity over the years, things could have been a lot different. I remember pushing people away with my problems in the past. Usually the catalyst was booze, feelings of inadequacy, envy and the main ingredient was little to no self worth. You end up abusing yourself in the end more than others. You can blame your choices on yourself and that is fair but now I am older what I blame is my own ignorance. My ignorance goes deeper again, I spent a lot of time without guidance. People tried but I had no faith in myself so how could I have faith in anyone else?

The problem again becomes cultural, you are just one of a group of people. Talented, conflicted, self-abusers and eventually the barriers are too ironclad. That is why I eventually had to change my attitude and learn to care for myself so I could care for others. That was parenthood. I tried to break the cycle. Improve, socialise and go into clean living. That job for me never ends. It is the constant. I want growth, self-worth, health and to live well. I want to be a role model, mentor, friend and happy in my own skin. Many people will never forgive me for past errors but I have to work with what I have.